<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>I Lava You by auburnpumpkin</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408177">I Lava You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/auburnpumpkin/pseuds/auburnpumpkin'>auburnpumpkin</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>IT (1990), IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abusive Sonia Kaspbrak, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Alternate Universe - Teenagers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depressed Eddie Kaspbrak, Depression, Eddie Kaspbrak - Freeform, Eddie Kaspbrak Needs A Hug, F/M, It band au, Lava (short film), M/M, Reddie, Richie Tozier - Freeform, Sonia Kaspbrak's A+ Parenting, Suicidal Thoughts, The Losers Club (IT) Deserve Happiness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-01-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:07:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,049</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22408177</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/auburnpumpkin/pseuds/auburnpumpkin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>This was Eddie Kasbrak, the sickly, small, and fragile, obediant boy's secret life. </p><p>And he fucking loved it. </p><p>Until it wasn't a secret anymore.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>78</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>warnings: Homophobia, homophobic slurs, slight abuse</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie Kaspbrak was not brave. He was not someone who turned heads when he walked into the room. He was small. He was fragile. Breakable. If you blew too hard you could certainly knock him right over. </p><p>Eddie Kaspbrak did not speak up in class, and had one tight knit group of friends. He was seldom seen without them. He didn't like it when other kids tried to intrude on the group. </p><p>Eddie Kaspbrak was the runt of the group. He had to go to the nurse before lunch to take his pills. He was sickly. </p><p>Eddie Kaspbrak talked too quickly, and could not pay attention during class. </p><p>Eddie Kaspbrak did not like to sing on stage. He prefered to stand behind with his guitar and a smile. </p><p>
  <em>Sickly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Small</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Fragile</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Breakable</em>
</p><p>
  <em>shy</em>
</p><p>Eddie had heard it all before. </p><p>His whole life he'd been followed by those four words. And he'd like to think they weren't true. But that was just so damn hard when those four words follow you home. It was hard when your own mother is sure you will die the moment you are out of the walls of your personal prison cell. In his teenage years, Eddie had grown to become quite sneaky. He disappeared at night and returned before his mother could suspect a thing. </p><p>He had sleepovers in his room on school nights. He unlocked his window for a boy his mother despised when he was sure his mother was asleep. He was a part of a popular teenage band that his mother didn't even know existed. School trips and sleepovers at Stan's just happened so often. His friends parents had been nothing but helpful to him. The amount of times Mrs. Uris  or Mrs. Denborough had kept Eddie's secret life a secret was almost too many for him to count. </p><p>He had it good. Sure, almost every time he spoke to his mother he lied to her face, but he didn't mind it. He did what he had to do to survive, what was wrong with that? His mother was overbearing and harsh. </p><p>Every night a boy would visit him. Every night they would meet with a kiss and a smile.  Some nights the boy came up to him, and other nights Eddie went down to him. </p><p>This was Eddie Kasbrak, the sickly, small, and fragile, obediant boy's secret life. </p><p> <em>And he fucking loved it.</em> </p><p>Until it wasn't a secret anymore. </p><p>He remembered that night like the horrible nightmare it had been. </p><p>The boy, his boy, climbed into his window. Just like he always did. Eddie warned him to be quiet as the lanky boy clumsily entered the room. </p><p>Eddie was so sure his mother had gone to bed. He was sure he'd heard her bed squeak. He was sure. </p><p>And so the night went on. The pair laughed and held eachother close in the boys bed. The room was lit only by the light drifting in from the window beside Eddie's bed. It was Heaven. </p><p>Until Satan herself awoke, and Eddie found her standing in the doorway. </p><p>Eddie had never seen his mother look so disgusted him him. So disgusted to see her son in the arms of another boy. He'd never heard harsher words from her mouth. </p><p>Eddie remembered the screaming, begging his mother to let the boy go. That it wasn't the other boy's fault. He remembered watching the only person who'd ever genuinely loved him get thrown out of his front door. </p><p>He remembered the look on Richie's face as he watched that door slam shut. The fear, but the fear wasn't for himself. It was for Eddie. </p><p>He remembered the red mark on his cheek. He remembered the bruising on his arm. He remembered being dragged kicking and screaming to his room. He was faster than his mother, sure. But he was no match for her strength. He remembered being locked inside. He remembered crying. </p><p>He remembered crying and tearing his hair out from pure stress. He'd pulled and banged on his door until he couldn't anymore. He sank down against the door, defeated. And he stayed that way until early morning. The time he would usually wake up for school. </p><p>Eddie heard the click of the lock and lifted his head drowsily to look at the doorknob as it was twisted. He hadn't gotten much sleep that night. He had only sat and waited by the door. He felt the weight of the door leave his side. He looked up to see the face of his distraught and disgusted mother. </p><p>"Eddie, we have to talk. Now. You aren't going to school today.  Or this week for that matter. You're sick, Eddie." </p><p>Eddie only stared blanky. He had no words. No emotions. His life was over as he knew it. He felt empty. </p><p>"You aren't leaving this house until you're cured of..this! No son of mine is...is a f*g! What would your father say?!" </p><p>There was a beat of tense silence that rang through Eddie's prison. </p><p>Eddie vaguely felt himself being pulled to his feet. He felt his mother's hand on his forehead. He tried to move his head back and pushed her hand away. The grip on his arm tightened. He saw the look in his mother's eyes. So he complied. </p><p>"You're sick, Eddie. You're burning up. And look at you! You're a mess! It's because of him. I know it is. I know you would never intentionally hurt me like this. I have half a mind to call his mother right now just to-" </p><p>"No! No- Mommy please don't. Just leave him be- it's not his fault. It's mine. I'm sick, not him! Please, I'll do whatever you say, I'll be better-" </p><p>His mother's face softened. Eddie knew that look. God, he hated that look.  </p><p>"There's my good boy. We'll make you better, Eddie bear. You'll feel so much better." </p><p>Eddie of course knew Mr. and Mrs. Tozier would be nothing but supportive of their son. But that was not the way he wanted them to find out. Richie didn't deserve that. He deserved to do it on his own when he was ready. </p><p>Before he knew it he was tucked into his bed. Before he could even think of a jail break, he heard the click of the lock on his bedroom door. </p><p>So Eddie cried, laying in the bed he'd shared with Richie just hours before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Code Rapunzel</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The losers make a plan</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>warnings: Swearing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Richie whipped around in time to catch eyes with Eddie. He'd never forget the look on Eddie's face. The boy was shaking and crying his eyes out, yet he still gave a smile and a little wave goodbye. Richie would never understand that.</p><p>Richie couldn't tell you how long he stood there, how much it hurt to hear Eddie scream at his mother and beg her to let him go. He flinched at how the house shook when a door was slammed shut. It was the slam of the door that made him realize he needed to go, and soon. He couldn't afford to have Mrs.Kaspbrak catch him outside of the house like this.</p><p>So he ran.</p><p>He ran down the street and passed his own house. He only came to a stop when he was at a familiar spot in the woods. He clicked on his phone's flashlight and felt around until he found the hatch to the door. He pulled it open and slipped inside. It didn't take long to find the switch on all of the battery powered lights, and soon The Losers Clubhouse was dimly lit and Richie found himself sitting in the hammock.</p><p>He fumbled with his phone until he found the call button, then he started a group facetime on the groupchat.</p><p>Beverly was the first one to answer the call. Her camera showing a dark room. It was soon illuminated by the lamp on her bedside table. The light revealed a squinting and newly awake Beverly.</p><p>Stan had apparently been awake. He answered in his dimly lit kitchen, a gogurt hanging out of his mouth and his eyes wide open.</p><p>"What do you want, Richie? It's like 3am."</p><p>Bill answered sitting up on the side of his bed. His usual straight and neat hair was an absolute mess.</p><p>"I was a-asleep, dude."</p><p>Mike answered next. Though he was in the bathroom of his home, it was easy to tell he had just woken up.</p><p>Ben was the last to answer, adding a black screen to the groupcall.</p><p>Chatter started up soon enough to comment on one anothers appearance and morning voice.</p><p>"..Are you okay?" Bev asked suddenly, causing the complaints and comments of being awake so late to quiet.</p><p>They'd all been too busy complaining about being awake to realize just how distraught Richie was. The call remained silent until Richie finally spoke.</p><p>"We need a meeting. Now."</p><p>"Now? Richie it's-"</p><p>"Eddie is in trouble, Ben! I don't give a flying fuck what time it is! Get your ass over here!"</p><p>"I'm on my way, rich, hang tight." Bev interjected before hanging up.</p><p>"Eddie? What happened to Eddie?" Mike asked. Richie could tell he driving based on how far away he sounded.</p><p>"Code Rapunzel. Again. We thought his mom was asleep."</p><p>"Oh god.."</p><p>"How bad is it this time?"</p><p>"Bad...fuck, you should have heard it- he was- he was just screaming and-"</p><p>"Hey, Rich, it's okay. We'll get him out of there, I'm almost there just calm down." came Stan's voice.</p><p>The losers on their way hung up with a promise to see him soon. All but Stan. He didn't want to leave Richie alone. Neither said anything, but Richie appreciated his presence.</p><p>Beverly was the first to descend the stairs to the clubhouse. She was still dressed in her pajamas, which was just sweatpants and an old t-shirt. Her hair was a disaster but she didn't seem to care. She crossed the small room to wrap Richie in a tight hug.</p><p>Soon the room was littered with the small friend group, all dressed in ther pajamas and looking equally exhausted. Beverly sat beside Richie with her arm around the silent boy.</p><p>The group sat in uneasy silence for a few moments before Bill finally spoke up.</p><p>"Can someone t-t-t-tell me what's going on?"</p><p>The whole group looked to Richie. Beverly lightly rubbed his arm. "You have to tell us, Rich..we can't do anything if you don't tell us what's going on."</p><p>"Okay, okay.."</p><p>The boy took in a deep breath and kept his eyes trained on the floor as he spoke quietly.</p><p>"...I went over Eddie's house earlier. About ten..Mrs. Kaspbrak is usually asleep by then. Eddie gave me the okay and I came into the window.. and it was fine. We were fine. But apparently his mom was still awake. Because that bitch kicked me out." he huffed out.</p><p>"She threw me out. And eddie- Eddie was crying. He was screaming at her and- fucking hell I've never seen him like that before. We have to get him out of there he can't-"</p><p>"Richie, his mom g-g-grounds him all the time. He always s-s-sneaks out. And we'll see him at school tomorrow. It's-"</p><p>"No! Don't you fucking tell me it's okay. This isn't okay!" he stood abruptly. "You weren't there. You didn't hear what she was calling him. You didn't see how fucking scared Eddie was! He hates being alone! You guys know that! He's not-"</p><p>"calling him...what did she call him?" Ben asked quietly.</p><p>"All the slurs she could think of! She looked him in the eyes and told him that she would rather die than let her son tramp around with someone like me. And- this one is really good, get this. She said she'd sooner let him rot and die then let him ruin her reputation like that. "</p><p>"Richie-" Stan started, standing up.</p><p>"she hit him."</p><p>The whole room went deadly silent.</p><p>"Yep. Slapped him right across the face. "</p><p>"Richie..we can't just-"</p><p>"No! We need to help him! What is wrong with you guys!? Did you hear a word I said?! He would do it for us!"</p><p>"We need to wait and see what happens, Richie. This absolutely sucks, yea. But we can't do anything that won't make it worse for Eddie. We'll see him at school tomorrow, okay?" Mike interjected from his spot leaning against the latter to the doorway.</p><p>"no-"</p><p>Beverly stood up and put her hand on his shoulder.</p><p>"Richie, I'm sorry, but they're right. We can't. It'll just make it worse for Eddie. He's strong. He's put up with her for this long. He can do it for another night. "</p><p>"Beverly.."</p><p>The girl put both of her hands on the taller boy's shoulders. His dark and clouded eyes met Beverly's safe and bright ones. "I know. Just take a deep breath. Calm down. "</p><p>Richie just shook his head. "Beverly, I can't- Eddie is-"</p><p>"Why don't you come to my house, Rich? You can stay the night." Stan asked.</p><p>"I don't-"</p><p>"You should go, Rich. You need to be with someone right now. You're freaking out."</p><p>"Okay.. okay, fine."</p><p>Bill looked around the group. "So that's our game plan? Wait until t-t-t-t-, fuck! Tomorrow to make a plan with E-Eddie?"</p><p>The group of sleepy teens nodded in agreement. All agreed except Richie.</p><p>"Okay. This losers c-club meeting is officially d-done. Go home and go to b-b-bed."</p><p>There was a quiet murmur of agreement before the group left. Beverly squeezed Richie's hand, smiled at him, then turned and climbed out of the clubhouse.</p><p>Stan and Richie were left face to face across the room in the small club house.</p><p>Richie crossed his arms. "I don't get it. "</p><p>"You will tomorrow. If we go storming in there to save him it's going to make it worse for Eddie. You know how his mom gets. She gets pissed at him and the next second she's all over him and basically smothering him."</p><p>"It's different this time, Stan. She- I didn't think she even had that in her. She treated him like dirt. And even when I was outside I could hear her screaming at him. She locked him in his room. "</p><p>Stan nodded quietly. "Okay. Let's go to my house and go to bed. When we get to school tomorrow me you and Eddie can all talk during first period."</p><p>Richie shut his eyes and nodded. "Okay. fine."</p><p>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>oh worm two updates in one night. Anyway, check my instagram @wormesonastring for the social media posts, or you can pop over to my wattpad page to read this and see the social media posts from the losers in the same post! word!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Panic in the English Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Recently Missing: Eddie Kaspbrak</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: Child abuse (mental and physical. Physical is very brief and not severe but still there), homophobia, cursing</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie checked the clock to see it was only 7:55. He should be in school by now. He'd only been in bed for three hours. He felt like he'd been in there forever.  He was about to get up when he saw his door start to open. He sat up as he watched his mother come in with what he recognized to be the medicine tray. It was filled with different bottles of varying sizes. He watched with weary eyes and let himself flop back down. </p><p>"These will make you feel better, Eddie. You won't even think about him after. "</p><p>Eddie fought the urge to roll his eyes. There wasn't a force in the world that could make him forget Richie. </p><p>"And later we can go down to the church and you can talk to Father Michael."  </p><p>Eddie gasped and sat up quickly. </p><p>"What?! No! I don't need to go to church, mom! Since when are we religious?!" </p><p>"You know how dirty those churches are, Eddie. You can be close with God without going to church and getting sick.""</p><p>"You've never even brought it up before!" </p><p>" That's enough, Eddie. You're broken. I'm going to fix you. You're my son. I know you better than anyone, eddie bear, and-" </p><p>"Oh fuck off!" </p><p>Eddie felt the sting on his cheek before he'd even seen his mother's hand coming. his hand flew up to his cheek and he pushed himself back to get away from her. </p><p>"You do NOT talk to your mother like that. "</p><p>Eddie felt his eyes start to sting as tears filled them slowly. </p><p>"Then why do you get to talk to me like that?! I'm not broken! I'm-" </p><p>He felt his head turn with the force of another harsher slap. </p><p>Eddie shut his eyes tight and put his hand over his mouth. His mother had never hit him before. This was the third time in just 5 hours. </p><p>"I don't know why you enjoy hurting me, Eddie. " He could hear his mother begin to cry. "This hurts me so much more than it hurts you." </p><p>- </p><p>Richie walked into English and tossed his bag under his seat before he slid into the chair next to Stan. </p><p>"Is-"</p><p>"Not yet. But don't start freaking out. There's still a ton of time. He'll show." </p><p>Richie put his chin down on his desk and exhaled. </p><p>"This is fucked. This is so fucked. What are we even going to say when he comes in?" </p><p>"Nothing. If he doesn't want to talk about it, he won't. If he wants to, he'll talk to us. " </p><p>And so the two waited. The bell rang and the teacher addressed the class. Eddie never showed. The class passed by slower than either than the boys would have liked. The hour long class felt like it lasted all day.  By the time the bell rang for break, Richie felt like he wanted to tear his hear out. The two boys left the class to find their group of friends waiting just outside. Their faces lit up seeing them, but slowly fell when they noticed a certain boy was missing. </p><p>"No Eddie..?" </p><p>"No Eddie." </p><p>Richie laughed. "I think I remember someone predicting this. I wonder who it could have been. Oh! Right! Me! None of you would fucking listen! I told you this was different!" </p><p>"Richie, getting mad isn't going to solve anything. We still can't just go to his house and rescue him-" </p><p>"Why the hell not?" </p><p>"Because it put's Eddie in danger. I would know, Richie. You can't just burst in. You said it yourself, she hit him. If she's willing to hurt him, you don't know what she'd do to him if we all showed up. It's too risky." </p><p>Richie once again fell silent. </p><p>" We've got one more shot, right?" Ben asked from beside Bill, "He never misses rehearsal. Even when he's grounded." </p><p>"R-r-right."</p><p>-</p><p>When Richie walked into rehearsal he set his bag down by the wall and signed in as he always did. He was about 8 minutes late, which was nothing new. He was rarely on time. He greeted a few of the workers on the way down the hall, then hesitated by the door. If Eddie wasn't in there, things were about to get so much harder. The shaking boy shut his eyes and pushed the door open. When he opened his eyes he was met with five of his friends staring back at him with disappointment. They'd thought he was Eddie. Richie realized with a sinking heart that the short boy was missing from the group. </p><p>Richie let his arm fall down to his side as he stared back at the group. Beverly was the first to speak up. </p><p>"Richie I'm so sorry.." </p><p>"Don't, please..Just..let's get this over with." </p><p>He walked across the room and picked up his guitar. He looked around at the group expectantly. </p><p>"Well?" </p><p>The frozen group of teens kicked into motion, and soon rehearsal was underway.  Richie was quiet. Way too quiet for any of their liking, and the songs all sounded completely off without Eddie there to complete them. </p><p>As the last chord of their latest song affectionately titled, 'the bitch of living', rang out, the group looked at eachother uncomfortably.  </p><p>"Can we please stop acting like Eddie is dead? He's grounded. It sucks- but he's coming back." Stan suddenly said, standing from behind the keyboard. </p><p>"We don't know that, Stanley. He could be moving away for all we know. His mom is a psycho!" Richie shouted back at him. </p><p>"Richie, relax. He's not going anywhere-" </p><p>"Eddie never misses rehearsal, Ben said it himself. If this was like any other time then he would be here!" </p><p>" Getting mad at us isn't going to solve anything, Rich. There's nothing-" </p><p>"if you tell me there's nothing we can do i'm going to punch you." </p><p>"R-richie, you need to calm down."</p><p>"Y'know what? Fuck you guys. Nice of you guys to care so much about Eddie's well being." Richie spat out, backing toward the door. </p><p>" Richie-" </p><p>"No, no. You guys are very very concerned, I understand. There's absolutely nothing we can do, I need to calm down. Message received. I'll see you assholes tomorrow." </p><p> </p><p>Richie got in his car and slammed the door shut.  He put his head down on to the steering wheel and exhaled. It had only been a day and he already felt like the world was coming down around him. Eddie was all alone, scared and probably hurt, and here was Richie. Pretty much fine and sitting in his car. How was that fair? Why didn't Mrs.K call his mother? God, he hoped Eddie hadn't tried to protect him. Eddie knew his parents would fully support him no matter what. </p><p>His thoughts were cut off by his passenger side door opening and shutting once again. </p><p>"Hey. Let's go drive by Eddie's house, okay? It'll make you feel better once you know he's still there." </p><p>Beverly Marsh. </p><p>Richie sat back and huffed, but he did as he was told and immediately began to drive away. </p><p>As they approached the house, Richie leaned over the steering wheel and slowed down. Eddie's window was on the side of the house. He could see the light was on as they approached. </p><p>"See, there he is." Beverly said quietly, pointing to the window where the shadow of a boy sitting on his bed could he seen clear as day. Richie knew Eddie's bed was right under his windows. So that had to be him. He let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding and let himself relax a bit. </p><p>"He's okay, honey. He's the bravest little shit we know. He'll make it out just fine." </p><p>Eddie must have seen Richie's car, because he began waving almost frantically and pressed his face to the window.  Richie immediately stopped the car, parked, and threw the door open. Beverly opened her door and stood.  "Richie, be careful, please. I don't want you in trouble too." </p><p>Richie approached the side of the house carefully and waved back to the boy in the second story window.  Eddie just looked so damn relieved to see Richie okay. He glanced behind him, then made a heart with his hands and pressed it to the window with a smile. </p><p>Richie let out a quiet laugh and held up the same shape. The moment was short. Far too short. But it made being separated a little easier. Richie didn't miss the fear in the boy's face as he began frantically waving for Richie to go. </p><p>Richie watched the face of mrs. Kaspbrak replace Eddie's, and was torn out of his thoughts by Beverly dragging him back to the car and driving off before he could even take a breath. </p><p>"I swear" Beverly breathed from behind the steering wheel, "If i wasn't around, you'd be in jail by now."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Sorry this took so damn long. i am not busy, just lazy. Anyway, Rip Eddie sorry ya'll</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. A Bit of Relief</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddie finds a gift from his friends that makes everything a bit easier</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: language</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie wasn't sure how long it had been. It felt like it had been years, but he'd stopped paying attention. He did the same thing every day anyway, so how was he supposed to tell what day it was? He glanced at the clock on the wall across from his bed and sighed. It was only noon. His mother had been at work for a few hours now, but he couldn't bring himself to get up. </p><p>What was the point? There was none. He hadn't smiled in days. He'd never felt so lonely. He hadn't felt a loving hug in so long. He was growing to hate his mother's touch, and since that was the only touch the boy ever got, all touch in general. </p><p>Fuck Sonia Kaspbrak. </p><p>Eddie had been grounded more times than he could count. It had gotten so bad that the Losers club had.. </p><p>Eddie sat upright and gasped. He threw his blankets off and hopped out of bed. He looked around his extremely clean room and bounced on the tips of his toes. </p><p>The Losers had gotten him an Ipod to hide from his mother. So he could text them when he was grounded. The only problem, where was it? </p><p>The boy tore apart his room for the better part of an hour before he finally saw it. He was so happy he could cry. He quickly pushed the thought aside and plugged it in with the chord beside his bed. </p><p>What would he even say to them? </p><p>Hey sorry, my moms psychotic and I probably won't be going outside until im 21. Oh, and she said if she ever saw any of you outside our house she'd call the police, so don't stop by. Have nice lives and tell the fans I'll miss them! </p><p>Oh fuck. </p><p>They have a show later this week. The losers would have to do it without him. It's not like he makes much of a difference in the sound of the songs anyhow. He doesn't contribute much to the band. It's no wonder some of the Losers stans hated him and got annoyed when he refused to sing. </p><p>He was the least favorite anyway. It wouldn't matter. </p><p>He was torn out of his thoughts by the ipod to the right of him lighting up. He grinned and picked it up. As soon as it was on he went to the groupchat and his finger hovered over the facetime button. He looked across the room to the mirror and sighed. He better not. He hadn't looked this tired since that flight to California. </p><p>He swore he'd never fly that long ever again. </p><p>He sighed and began typing instead. </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  Hey guys </p><p><b>Beverage:</b>  EDDIE! Holy shit I forgot about the ipod! How are you doing??</p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth:</b>  Oh my god I thought i'd never talk to you again hjhkhuohuikjij</p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth</b>: Are you okay??? </p><p><b>Big Bill:</b> oh fuck!! When are you getting out?? </p><p><b>Benjamin Franklin</b>: He lives!! </p><p><b>Mike n' Ike</b>:  thank god, we were so worried about you, eddie. </p><p><b>Edwardo</b>:  thanks guys lmao </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  My moms a psycho, I'm fine </p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth:</b> Are you sure? What's going on? </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  I'm fine, really </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b> I'm locked up in my room all day like a patient 0 haha </p><p><b>Edwardo: </b>This bitch wore a medical mask the other day like she could actually catch being gay</p><p>Eddie laughed quietly at the memory. It was pretty rediculous. She had worn gloves and a mask as if Eddie was contagious.  </p><p><b>Beverage:</b>  ew </p><p><b>Stan the Man:</b>  wtf </p><p><b>Big Bill: </b>so can we fight her or </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  No, pls don't do anything guys I'm just going to wait it out </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  She's seriosuly gone crazy or something, she said she'd report you guys to the police if she saw you near the house. She 's never acted like this before </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b> Love you guys, and thank you for the concern, but pls just wait it out</p><p><b>Stan the Man:</b>  what about the concert? You in? </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  You guys are going to have to do this one without me,, I can't get out this time</p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth:</b>  No way </p><p><b>Beverage:</b>  ^^ </p><p><b>Big Bill:</b>  rt </p><p><b>Mike n' Ike:</b>  Dude it sounds so weird without you, + it isn't the same </p><p><b>Mike n' Ike:</b>  so no way </p><p><b>Big Bill:</b>  The losers club is officially on break </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b> Guys pls don't do that Carl is going to be pissed </p><p><b>Stan the Man:</b> We did it when Bev got sick </p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth:</b> yea stfu we're on break </p><p>Eddie perked up at the sound of heavy footsteps outside his door, he typed a quick response, then got up and hid his ipod in a box in the closet. </p><p><b>Edwardo:</b>  gtg my mom's coming </p><p><b>Tra$hm0uth</b>:  fuck </p><p>He smiled at his mother from the spot in front of the closet. </p><p>"Hi mom." </p><p>"What are you doing out of bed, honey?  I told you before, you need to rest. You aren't well." </p><p>"I know, I- I just wanted to get a sweatshirt." </p><p>"Oh my god, Eddie. Look at your room. What did you do?!" his mother shrieked looking around at the boys torn up room. </p><p>" I lost my inhaler, mom. I had to find it, I'm sorry." </p><p>"You're lucky I can't stay mad at you. Clean this up then get into bed."</p><p>Eddie nodded politely, then watched as his mother closed his door and locked it. </p><p>        </p><p> </p><p>Richie scrolled through the replies for hours, reading the same thing from fan after fan. A few people were pissed, some very upset about not getting to see the band live. Most were concerned and trying to figure out what emergency had caused this break. He clicked his phone off and slammed it down onto his bed as tears began to prick his eyes. </p><p>He turned onto his side, and for the first time since this whole thing began, he let himself cry. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry for the late update, this bitch has the flu</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. A Song from Above</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Eddie writes a song.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: language, character isolation </p><p>Hey guys! Thank you to the poeple leaving comments! Comments get me so excited seriously, it makes me want to write all of it at once haha. Please leave comments if you like it/have ideas or thoughts! I love to hear it!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie pressed his face up against the glass of his window and watched his mother's beat up car pull out of the driveway. He grinned to himself and sprung out of bed. He ran over to his closet and retrieved both the ipod and his ukulele from the box in the back. </p><p>He jumped back onto his bed and let himself bounce a few times. It was a bit sad, Eddie realized, he found joy in such little things. That was how sad he really was.  He shook the thought from his head and checked the ipod. No notifications. He didn't expect any, the losers were all just getting out of school now. His mother had the day off and was going to his aunts house. Probably to talk about him, but he didn't care anymore. He was already insecure about pretty much everything. Their damage was done, what more could they do? </p><p>Nah, they'd probably find something else to make him feel terrible about. </p><p>But, That did leave a while for him to just play around on his ukulele and wait for his friends to message him. </p><p>He began to strum lightly, just random chords as he watched the people below his house walk down the street. It was mostly kids coming back from school, laughing and talking with one another. He felt a dull ache in his heart. He'd taken times like that with his friends for granted. Now he was stuck in his room all day with no social life other than this tiny out dated Ipod he'd forgotten all about. </p><p>It was fall by now. Leaves had started to fall. He'd been up in his room for about a month by now. As sad as he was, he was starting to get used to it. He figured that was a good thing. Better to get used to it now than sit miserable for who knows how long. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the realization that he'd been playing the same pattern for a while. </p><p>F   C   G7   C  F  C  F  G7  C</p><p>He liked it. It had a nice sound. He pulled up the camera on his ipod and recorded himself playing it a few times. He retrieved a notebook from the bedside table ad began to scribble down some lyrics. After a few hours he had something he was actually kind of proud of. Albeit, it was incredibly short, but he still liked it. </p><p>He played the chords over and over, then found himself staring at the window. Maybe he could escape? He twisted the lock and pushed the window. A jolt of excitement ran through him as the window began to slide upward. </p><p>He could imagine himself jumping from the window and running as fast as he could away from there. Away. Far away. </p><p>His breath caught in his throat as the window jammed and ceased all motion. </p><p>"no.." he breathed out, looking the window up and down. </p><p>He found the window was completely unlocked. Nothing should have been stopping it. He found himself starting to panick as he pushed on the window with all of his strength, trying depserately to push it open somehow. </p><p>It wouldn't budge. </p><p>He grabbed the tissue box off his nightstand and chucked it at the window with a frustrated yell. He sat breathing heavily for a few minutes as tears began to prick at his eyes. He wiped at them roughly, determined to not let his mother break him down. </p><p>So he picked up his ukulele and began to sing. </p><p>- </p><p>Richie listened below with a heavy heart as Eddie tried desperately to open the window. It broke his heart to hear Eddie so desperate to escape. He heard a loud thump accompanied by a frustrated yell and he backed up slightly to look into the window. He could just barely see Eddie sitting on his bed. </p><p>He tried to figure out what he was doing, until he heard Eddie's ukulele. How was Eddie playing his ukulele right now? He was just practically fuming. Before he could even try to reason why he'd be playing music, he heard Eddie's voice. He'd heard Eddie sing once or twice, but never like this. </p><p>
  <em>"I have a dream..</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope will come true </em>
</p><p>
  <em>That you're here with me </em>
</p><p>
  <em>and I'm here with you. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I wish that the Earth, sea, and the sky up above-a </em>
</p><p>
  <em>will send me someone to lava.." </em>
</p><p>Richie let out a quiet breath as he felt his heart shatter. Eddie was lonely. He'd thought Eddie was in danger, yes, and he knew Eddie hated being alone. He'd never actually thought about Eddie being lonely. </p><p>He knew he was lonely, but Eddie? The thought never crossed his mind. How fucked was that? He continued to listen to the lonely chords for about an hour until he realized he could have been talking to Eddie the entire time. </p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b>  heeeyyy eddie spaghetti</p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b>  how we feeling on this fine afternoon? </p><p>Richie looked up as the soft music suddenly stopped. He looked down to see that Eddie was typing. </p><p><b>edwardo:</b> All good, my mom isn't home so I'm riding solo </p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b> did you just make a reference??? I-  I am so proud??</p><p><b>edwardo:</b>  shut the fuck up </p><p><b>edwardo: </b>You're lucky I don't block you </p><p><b>tra$hmouth:</b> you would never </p><p><b>edwardo:</b>  fine. You're lucky I love you </p><p><b>edwardo:</b> how about that? </p><p><b>tra$hmouth: </b>  better</p><p>He heard Eddie sigh above him, and scrambled for something to say that might cheer him up at least a little. </p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b>  you know whats even better tho?</p><p><b>edwardo:</b> do I want to know?</p><p><b>tra$hm0uth: </b>probably not</p><p><b> tra$hm0uth:</b>  ur mom </p><p>Despite Eddie sending a bunch of angry faces, and a few middle fingers, he heard Eddie laugh. Eddie had actually laughed at that. </p><p>Of course, Eddie would never admit it, but he'd missed those stupid jokes from Richie. He hadn't heard one in so long. </p><p><b>edwardo:</b>  I miss you </p><p><b>tra$hm0uth: </b> I miss you too </p><p><b>tra$shm0uth:</b> we'll get you out of there</p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b> I promise </p><p><b>edwardo: </b> pinky promise? </p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b> pinky promise. </p><p>Richie looked up in time to see Mrs.K's car coming toward the house. He ran off before he could read Eddie's response. </p><p>That night, laying all alone in bed, Eddie smiled. He knew Richie had his back. </p><p>At that very same moment Richie laughed as he pulled up the groupchat. </p><p>
  
</p><p><b>tra$hm0uth:</b> did sis even read the tweet im- </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>we hate Julia in this house</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Broken to Bits</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Warnings: homophobia, mild child abuse, emotional abuse</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eddie watched through the crack in his door as his mother walked away from his room after forcing him to swallow who knows how many vitamins and fake pills. He'd lost count after 9. After he was sure his mess of a mother was in her room, he ran over to his bed and jumped onto the bed. The boy covered himself in his blankets and clicked his ipod on to text the losers. He made sure to keep an ear out in case his mother decided to check on him and texted the groupchat. </p><p>edwardo:  good evening my tolerated coworkers </p><p>stan the man:  evening </p><p>tra$hm0uth:  evening edwardo ;) how goes it </p><p>edwardo:  good evening everyone except richie </p><p>tra$hm0uth: rude ass bitch </p><p>edwardo: i canuHuhof</p><p>Eddie gasped and jumped as he felt the sheet be torn off of him. His eyes barely had time to adjust to the light before his mother had torn the ipod out of his hand. </p><p>"No-! Mom please- It isn't what it looks like just-" </p><p>"Here I was thinking you were getting better! Eddie-" </p><p>Eddie could have laughed at the irony of the sentance as she looked at the screen in her hand. He had been getting better. He was happier when he was talking to his friends. His friends made him better. And now they were about to be torn from him all over again. </p><p>"You've been texting them! I told you you weren't allowed to see them anymore!"</p><p>Eddie felt time slow as his mother raised her arm and threw the small ipod to the ground. The small device shattered on the ground. His heart shattered right along side it, and Eddie screamed. </p><p>"No! Mom why would you do that?!" He was on the ground beside it, trying to put it back together desperately. He clicked the device's home button, and for a moment he had hope it would turn on. That was until his mother smacked it onto the ground, then delivered the final blow by driving her heel into it. </p><p>Eddie sat on the ground, his broken gaze on the shattered ipod on the ground </p><p>"Come on, Eddie bear, don't be like that. You're lucky i don't punish you. I told you, no more of those friends. they aren't good for you. they put those thoughts into your head, and we can't take them out if you have them putting them in all over again. it undoes all the progress you've had." </p><p>The woman lifted her son to his feet and took his face in her hands. She took a moment to just look at her son. Her son who refused to meet her eyes and held a blank look on his face. Her broken son. Her son who she'd broke. Piece by piece she'd torn him apart. It seemed the flame behind his eyes was finally out. </p><p>It seemed. </p><p>Eddie stared blankly at the fabric of his mother's ugly nightgown until he realized something. He had every right to be angry. And why shouldn't he be? And just like that, his flame had returned. It burned low and dim, but he'd somehow managed to light it once again. It was his little glimmer of hope.  His gaze snapped up to meet his mother's eyes and he jerked his body away from her touch. Her touch that felt like sandpaper on his skin. </p><p>"Don't touch me." </p><p>"Edd-"</p><p>"Don't. Just shut up! I'm healthy. I'm not broken. There is nothing wrong with me!! I've never once been sicker than having the flu! I'm not too small, I'm not gaining wait, I'm not hanging out with the wrong people, I like my hair the way it is, and I am not disgusting for being in love with Richie!" </p><p>Before he could realize anything was happening, he'd caught his mother's hand in his. </p><p>"And you don't get to hit me and think it's okay!!" He shouted at his mother. </p><p>He thought for a moment his mother may pull the crocodile tears. He thought she might blubber and wail until he gave in, but he was wrong. He watched a sickening anger fill his mother's face. He'd never seen that kind of anger on his mother's face, and it scared him. He dropped her arm and scrambled backward.</p><p>"there is something wrong with you!" The demon of a woman yelled at the now terrified boy on the other side of the room. </p><p>"I don't know who you think you are, yelling at your mother like this! I do nothing but care for you and this is how you repay me? I've taken care of you day and night ever since you've gotten sick. Don't you dare try to correct me. You're sick in the head! I'm doing this because I love you!"</p><p>That was true. Eddie knew it was true his mother loved him, but he knew this kind of love was twisted. A love that had been a healthy and beautiful had turned to a thorned and dead rose. He loved his mother. He knew he always would. But loving someone and liking them were two different things. He did not like his mother. He did not like her at all. </p><p>At that thought Eddie broke into tears, and his mother's face softened. </p><p>"Come here, Eddie-bear. Let's get you into bed so you can rest.It'll be better in the morning." </p><p>Eddie felt like he was suffocating as his mother guided him to bed in a way that seemed like clockwork. Over the broken pieces of his ipod, and his last hope of communication with the outside world. He felt sick. He was never going to break free of her. Of this. This was his new life. Trapped up in his room like some sort of monster. </p><p>At some point in this daze of a conciousness, he felt his back hit the soft material of his bed. He heard his mother leave the room as the lights clicked off.  Eddie wasn't sure how long he laid there crying. Time seemed slow, and nothing seemed right. So he did the only thing he knew would offer the tiniest bit of relief. </p><p>He cracked open his window and began to sing. </p><p> </p><p>Somewhere below the prison bars of Eddie's window, sat Richie. Richie who felt so guilty having heard the yells and the cries from Eddie. He paused to listen as he heard Eddie's song once again. </p><p>And despite his tears and his quiet tone, it was still the most beautiful thing he'd ever heard.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>sorry this took so long! drop a comment!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey there fellas, please be gentle with me I have not written anything since like early 2018. Also sorry for so much angst, I did warn you though aha</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>